Holidays without our Nonnie

I realize this title itself seems depressing and something that might not need to occupy an entire post, BUT Nonnie has been on my heart so much already this season and, like I told you in the beginning, this is Lee and my own little web space where we can do as we please ;). That said, as I was wrapping Pops' gifts last night after Lee's dad and girlfriend left the house, I realized this was the first year I wouldn't wrap a gift for our precious Nonnie. It hit me like....well there is really no comparison... the sadness that comes with remembering a loved one also comes with this sense of peace, happiness, and thankfulness. As tears were flowing, I wasn't making my "ugly crying face." I wasn't having to catch my breath or blubber about it to Lee. In fact, I really don't even know that he realized anything was going on. As i was brought to tears by the fact that this would be our first Christmas without her and that things were changing before we could stop it, I was also thinking how much she would LOVE the gift I was wrapping for Pops, how beautiful she would think the paper and bows were (even if they weren't...because you see, we were PERFECT in her eyes - just ask Mama and Daddy because she told them all the time), how happy she would be that Christmas was coming even earlier for the Coons this year, how proud she would be of my cousin who does not thrive for entertaining and cooking but hosted a huge thanksgiving this year simply so we could all be together and share our love and laughter with Nonnie's sweetheart. I thought about her "Hmmm"s and her famous bubble baths she made for us while she found all kinds of things in our ears (elephants, money, giraffes, etc.). I thought about her last days when she could barely lift her head in the right direction but was able to tell Mama and Uncle Howard she "loved them too." I thought about she and Pops riding bikes in Jackson when it was safe to do so at any time of day. I thought of her LOVE of picture taking/posing when she was younger and how Megan has definitely inherited that trait. I thought about her tendency toward ADD when it came to cleaning and preparing the house or meals and how Mama absolutely cornered that area of her personality (proof of that came this week while I tried to "help" her decorate her home for the FBC staff dinner...let's just say she had one task and it took her both days, but the floor was vacuumed at every drop of glitter). I considered my love for old movies as I watched "Gone with the Wind" the other night and realized she was pretty enamored with them as well. I thought about how Lee and I try our best to live up to Nonnie and Pops' legacy with our flame that started burning when we were 15 just like them. I know Lee isn't blood, but I could swear he inherited Pops' sweet tendencies toward the women in his life and his silent leadership. Lastly, I thought of Dustin and how his humor is SO COON (Nonnie and Pops' last name)! He and Uncle Howard have a ball together and it's no wonder...they both take after the Coons' ability to make any situation lighter...even if by accident. You see, it was a different kind of sadness...it came with a realization that Nonnie will be here this Christmas...she will be in Megan's poses, Mama's vacuuming, Dustin's jokes and expressions, Clancy's motherly instincts and sacrifice, in Daddy's comments remembering things she used to do or say, in Lee and Russ's sweet spirits, and in our love that grows deeper each year. She will be in Pops' eyes, where she always was. So I don't think this post was depressing or out of place on our blog...I think it is just what I needed to be thankful for those who are still here and to be happy for those who are in heaven..probably riding bikes safely again and awaiting our arrival. Anyway, those were my thoughts last night and as I woke up EARLY this morning so there you have it! Merry holidays! Almost December!